I was going to write something helpful and informative today. I was going to tell you about a new page on the city of Eugene website that attempts to explain sharrows and buffered bike lanes and back-in diagonal parking …

No. What I feel compelled to do instead, I think, is attempt to explain this …

… today’s Notable Bike of the Week.

Excuse me, while I open a beer.

Now, I suppose we should start with the handlebars:

Drop-style handlebars spun upside down I see rather often. But drop-style bars actually installed backwards?

We could call this arrangement: “the African black wildebeest” …

… or maybe we could call it: “Harnish the Highland cow”:

I hope you are aware, by the way, that a seatpost binder bolt is nothing but a marketing gimmick designed to separate you from your hard-earned cash:

Besides, it will save you precious ounces on the cruel climb up the Col du Tormalet. Which may be beneficial because you have removed your derailleur:

Yes, we have addressed the poor man’s single-speed before.

Sure, you could go buy one of these ==>

Of course, that might require buying a new back wheel, too. So it can run into a little bit of money.

Or you just take off your derailleur and shorten up your chain. Voilà. A single-speed on the cheap. It’s also a good way to go if you are not fully comfortable with commitment.

15-tooth cog: You’re not really sure you love me, are you?

Cyclist: What? Of course I love you.

15-tooth cog: Then why do you keep all these other cogs around?

Cyclist: Well, I can’t afford single-cog freewheel right now. I promise, as soon as I can afford it, I’ll get one.

15-tooth cog: You spent more on beer last night than it would have cost to go buy one.

Cyclist: It was my buddy’s birthday!

15-tooth cog: I think you’re afraid of commitment.

Cyclist: Do we have to have this conversation now?

15-tooth cog: And you don’t love me. You never tell me you love me.

Cyclist: I do to!

15-tooth cog: I know all about how you were. You were a real player, flitting from cog to cog without a care in the world.

Cyclist: I took the derailleur off!

15-tooth cog: I really don’t like that one way up at the top, the 28-tooth cog. She’s so easy.

Cyclist: Hey, that’s not fair. Sometimes, she’s just what a guy needs after a hard day.

15-tooth cog: I know you still have the derailleur, too. I saw it in your toolbox.

Cyclist: Look, I admit it. I enjoyed my many gears. But that was then. This is now. Now it’s just you. You’re my only gear. The only one I need.

15-tooth cog: Really?

Cyclist: Eugene is pretty flat — for the most part.

15-tooth cog: I still don’t trust you when you go visit that friend of yours up on College Hill.