Attack of the giant spider

So, speaking of odd crap you find in the bike lane: There you are minding your own business, zipping home Friday afternoon with a light but friendly tailwind, dreaming about cracking open a beer, and … Yo, mama!

That’ll smack you out of your stupor. Maybe he was headed out for a quick game of Frogger.

OK, enough science. Let’s move on to today’s math lesson. Over the weekend, I noticed this:

Maybe this feature has been around for a while, and I haven’t been paying attention, but underneath the “pzev” (how do you pronounce that?) it says “partial zero emission vehicle.”

Now, I was pretty good at math back in school, but I don’t recall the principle of the “partial zero.” Perhaps this is a recent discovery in that field of high-level conceptual mathematics known as “Fun With Numbers … From the Marketing Department!”

Just in case you were wondering, here’s what an “fzev” looks like (that’d be “full zero emission vehicle”):

Applying the formula e = zero/w, wherein e is emissions and w is the number of wheels, we further discover that this device has zero emissions per wheel.

And, due to the amazing mathematical properties of the zero, the following device also, incredibly, has zero emissions per wheel:

We could therefore assume that each individual wheel on both of these devices represents partial zero emissions. Which proves, then, that the Subaru pictured above, which I can confirm had four wheels, must also be a “partial zero emission vehicle” and “as green as your toddler’s tricycle.” Q.E.D.

OK, let’s move on to social studies. On the bike path by the fairgrounds:

Now, maybe it’s just me, but do we think it’s a good idea to wear a shirt that suggests tire tracks? Perhaps it would be better not to give ideas to any motorists who already harbor those sorts of tendencies.

By the way, I’m sure I’ve done it, but I can’t say I endorse the hands-in-the-pockets-of-your-hoodie riding style. Nothing goes with tire tracks on your ass like road rash on your face.

Ride safe, people.

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