We slacked off during the holidays and did not celebrate them here on the blog as we would have liked. So before it is too late, we will honor the season with our own rendition of “The 12 Days of Christmas.”

This is appropriate because today is the 12th day of Christmas. Did you know that? I did not have any idea what the 12 days of Christmas were for a long time. But I now know that the 12 days begin on Christmas proper and continue well into January, climaxing on the Twelfth Day, also known as the Epiphany.

The Epiphany is so named because it was on that day that it was revealed to the Magi — also known as the Three Wise Men, one of whom you see in the following photograph, meditating in Charnel Mulligan Park …

… it was revealed to them via text message — and here you see him interrupting his meditation to take the incoming text from the chorus of angels …

… it was revealed to them that the Baby Jesus was, in fact, the Christ child, and furthermore that it is unsafe to text and drive a car at the same time, which the angels noted it was God’s desire to add as the 11th commandment — what with the pace technological change, he had no way of knowing when he sent down the first 10 back in days of the pharaohs that this would end up being a problem.

Well, the Magi, overjoyed as they were by the first part of the Epiphany, understandably forgot about the second part, which is why the ban on texting and driving has been codified into Oregon law just now, on the recently passed Eighth Day of Christmas, 2,012 years after the original Epiphany.

By the way, we can only imagine what the Magi were thinking, riding their bikes around the cycle-tracks of Bethlehem for 12 days before the Epiphany, saying to themselves: “Why are we here, again? Who is that kid? Why did we bring him gold, frankincense and myrrh packed up in an old milk crate?”

Anyway, with that history lesson, let’s celebrate with a song. I think you know the tune.

On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to this guy:

A buddy to go for rides with.

~

On the second day of Christmas, my true love gave to this pair:

Two matching kilts

And a buddy to go for rides with.

~

On the third day of Christmas, my true love did demand …

Three less cars …

Two matching kilts

And a buddy to go for rides with.

~

On the fourth day of Christmas, my true love was amazed …

Four yellow buckets,

Three less cars,

Two matching kilts,

And a buddy to go for rides with.

~

On the fifth day of Christmas, my true love did survive …

Fiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiive dooooooooors aaaaaaaaaaa-jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaar!

Four yellow buckets,

Three less cars,

Two matching kilts,

And a buddy to go for rides with.

~

On the sixth day of Christmas, my true love was annoyed …

Six wrong-way riders,

Fiiiiiiiive dooooooors ajaaaaaaar,

Four yellow buckets,

Three less cars,

Two matching kilts,

And a buddy to go for rides with.

~

On the seventh day of Christmas, my true gave citations …

Seven red lights run,

Six wrong-way riders,

Fiiiiiiiive dooooooors ajaaaaaaar,

Four yellow buckets,

Three less cars,

Two matching kilts,

And a buddy to go for rides with.

~

On the eighth day of Christmas, my true love took a stand …

Eight-fourteen four-thirty,

Seven red lights run,

Six wrong-way riders,

Fiiiiiiiive dooooooors ajaaaaaaar,

Four yellow buckets,

Three less cars,

Two matching kilts,

And a buddy to go for rides with.

~

On the ninth day of Christmas, my true love did relax …

Nine holes of golf,

Eight-fourteen four-thirty,

Seven red lights run,

Six wrong-way riders,Fiiiiiiiive dooooooors ajaaaaaaar,

Four yellow buckets,

Three less cars,

Two matching kilts,

And a buddy to go for rides with.

~

On the tenth day of Christmas, my true love went old school …

Ten-speed Campy road bike …

Nine holes of golf,

Eight-fourteen four-thirty,

Seven red lights run,

Six wrong-way riders,

Fiiiiiiiive dooooooors ajaaaaaaar,

Four yellow buckets,

Three less cars,

Two matching kilts,

And a buddy to go for rides with.

~

On the eleventh day of Christmas: Suggestion now for Vero!

Eleven added bike racks,

Ten-speed Campy road bike,

Nine holes of golf,

Eight-fourteen four-thirty,

Seven red lights run,

Six wrong-way riders,

Fiiiiiiiive dooooooors ajaaaaaaar,

Four yellow buckets,

Three less cars,

Two matching kilts,

And a buddy to go for rides with.

~

On the twelfth day of Christmas, my true love gave to me …

Twelve craties crating,

Eleven added bike racks,

Ten-speed Campy road bike,

Nine holes of golf,

Eight-fourteen four-thirty,

Seven red lights run,

Six wrong-way riders,

Fiiiiiiiive dooooooors ajaaaaaaar,

Four yellow buckets,

Three less cars,

Two matching kilts,

And a buddy to go for rides with.

Be safe. Happy New Year.