Wow. We were in serious danger of being dropped by our own fictional race. But we we will fight our way back.

Now, you might be thinking we’re overdoing this whole crate thing — and you’d probably be right. But get this: There is a Tour de Milk Crate competitor we have not met yet. He is elusive, slippery and fast … for a guy on a crate bike.

His bike is black. His crate is black. He often wears black. When he is spotted, it is sometimes on Eight Avenue downtown. His most distinguishing feature is that he has what appears to be a spider-web tattoo on his face.

We call him: Alberto Spiderweb.

I have tried several times, but failed to get a good photo of this mysterious man. He does not dawdle.

Today we bring you some rare video footage of Le Tour de Milk Crate. You see, we could not have imagined what would happen when we innocently fashioned “crate cam” one day and went out for a ride.

Yes, as mentioned in an earlier post, Eugene Bicyclist built a crate bike. And for kicks, one Saturday morning we mounted a video camera on the crate and rode off to pick up some gin, detour through Saturday Market and otherwise participate in Le Tour de Milk Crate.

And — in a harrowing stroke of luck akin to the Zepruder film — we spotted him. Alberto. Naturally, we launched a counterattack. It was a chaotic stage, with spectators all over the course, not unlike the hundreds of thousands you may seen lining the road to Alpe d’Huez in that other race, Le Tour de France.

In the end, the devilishly clever man in black, making adept use of a just-turned red light, was able to fend off crate cam’s counterattack and escape. Again. Damn.

* * *

(DISCLAIMER: It should go without saying that all of the photos we present here in our coverage of Le Tour de Milk Crate are actual candid photos of actual innocent bystanders spotted in Eugene. No dramatizations or setups have been used, heavens no.)

Catch up on all of this year’s nonsense.