Well, it looks like I have been dropped by my own fictional bike race after all. So we will just zip right to the finish.

Yes, there has been a scandal — not unlike the one seen during the wild and wooley 1904 Tour de France. Those were the days when some stages were nearly 300 miles, and racers rode through the night. The overall winner that year was Maurice Garin. But he was later disqualified and stripped of his title because — legend has it — he occasionally hopped into cars and trains to help speed things along. Those were the days before performance-enhancing drugs, so riders did what had to do.

So, yes …

… we are going to just motor right past stages 19 and 20 and get right to the climax.

The Tour de France, of course, wraps up every year on the grand Paris boulevard known as the Champs Elysees, in the shadow of the magnificent Arc de Triomphe.

And here’s Le Tour de Milk Crate concluding, as the yellow milk crate rolls past the Arc de LTD on his way to victory.

So, with that exciting conclusion, we would like to thank to all our good-natured competitors: Scorregia Rascali, “Buns” Cavendish, Charles Schleck, Jergun Yogurt, Johnny Crutchfield, Alberto Spiderweb and all the rest. Fortunately, I’ve not — so far anyway — been served notice that I’m being sued.

Which is good, because I’m exhausted.

* * *

(DISCLAIMER: It should go without saying that all of the photos we present here in our coverage of Le Tour de Milk Crate are actual candid photos of actual innocent bystanders spotted in Eugene. No dramatizations or setups have been used, heavens no.)

Catch up on all of this year’s nonsense.